i really need to stop feeling so fucked up. arg.
froze to death last night, slept with my hoodie sweatshirt on. turned the heat up before i went to bed, then watched some nin dvd to make me feel better, and was too hot, so went and turned it down again, froze. and the heat smells like burning again really badly. we thought something was on fire while watching fear cuz the smell was so strong.
Sony music officially ended the promotion of MJ’s Invincible after only 6 months. So now 3 fan clubs are starting a promotion thing, to try to get Sony to change their mind. if you want to know more, visit MJNI.com.
that is super screwed up. sony promoted HIStory for 2 friggen years. and while the promotion for that was royally screwed up as well, they at least sorta tried. apparently MJ is leaving sony. he’s got 1 more album with them, and the email from MJNI said there’s a greatest hits cd with a few new songs on it to be released end of 2002 or early 2003, that’ll be his last sony album. don’t really get that, since HIStory had the greatest hits cd in it, AND they just released only disc 1 of HIStory as a single greatest hits cd. so why release ANOTHER greatest hits? besides just to get MJ out of sony. i guess he’ll be joining Mariah as being label-less…he should go sign with bowie. lol. the music business sucks.
meanwhile i feel like i’m dying. i hurt all over, besides being all messedup with what i should do about shit. my arms, shoulders, legs, everything hurts. i just wanna crawl back in bed. and the weather is shitty.
left all 3 classes early today. 2 were dismissed 10 min early, comp art i just left. we had work time for our newsletters but i felt like shit and didn’t want to be there anymore. so yeah, left. now i have to go to a meeting in a half hour, and spent the last 45 min talking to danielle about shit. so i sorta feel better about all the stuff i was dealing with, and the part that is still all messed up i can do a pretty decent job ignoring. i mean, that’s really all i can do unless i wanna blow everyone out of their normal comfortable life. ok i’m being dramatic lol. but it would start shit, so i’ll just stay quiet.
physically i still feel like shit. i don’t know why but i hurt all over. i took some pain killers but didn’t really work. the only part of me that doesn’t hurt, oddly enough, is my head. i’m starving. don’t know what to make for dinner since i still feel all gaggy. but i feel better, cuz most of that was psychosomatic lol.
so my agenda for tonight is go to my meeting, dinner, outline my paper so i can write most of it tomorrow. what are the odds of that happening?
wow i feel horrible again. won’t be able to get any work done til shit gets straightened out. perfect.
please no more drama!!!!! i can’t handle it!!!!
blah. i think a lot of people under estimate me and under estimate what i’m capable of doing. probably because i’m sorta quiet, and don’t really talk about things that i’m thinking/feeling. and i dumb myself down in front of people who don’t know as much, or in classes when we’re doing group work as to not offend someone by telling them they’re wrong. that’s the main thing. i don’t want to offend anyone. i try so hard not to (and end up doing it anyway). and hardly anyone tries to really find out what i’m thinking/feeling about a certain thing. or if they want to know, they go about it in such an indirect way that it pisses me off to the point that i refuse to mention it. i guess it’s my own fault that i appear to be so unapproachable. but whatever. if you want to know something, just ask me.
a few random lines from things popped into my head.
– don’t fuck with us
– nothing can stop me now
– put my faith in god and trust in you, now there’s nothing more fucked up i could do
– smash up my sanity
thanks.
me and danielle were playing a game, top 5 song lyrics at the moment.
1. I know you tried to rescue me, Didn’t let anyone get in, Left with a trace of all that was, And all that could have been – nin “and all that could have been”
2. You would know. Wouldn’t you? You extend your hand to those who suffer, To those who know what it really feels like, To those who have had a taste, Like that means something – nin “i do not want this”
3. Well, okay, enough, You’ve had your fun But come on there has got to be someone That hasn’t yet become So numb And succumb And God damn I am so tired of pretending Of wishing I was ending When all I’m really doing is trying to hide And keep it inside And fill it with lies Open my eyes? Maybe I wish I could try – nin “where is everybody?”
4. you’re such an inspiration for ways that i will never ever choose to be – a perfect circle “judith”
5. you’re slipping in and out of time who are you to decide which one of us winds up broken, for a lifetime. and still you’ll never be satisfied until one of us falls apart, i had enough of this – orgy “faces”
6. wake up why can’t you face me. come on and rise up, show me. some day i’ll see you’re vacant and maybe you’re better off that way. go ahead and play dead, i know you can hear me, why can’t you turn and face me, you fucking disappoint me – apc/tapeworm “vacant”