ok so i called him. he didnt say anything about being mad at me or anything. he wanted to go see saw 2 tonight but it’s snowing and cold and i’m anti social and don’t feel like leaving the house again so we’re going to go tomorrow. he was sorta blah when i said i didn’t want to leave the house tonight. i still think it’s over. but i think we’ll be able to be friends. we’ll see i guess. i honestly don’t care.

my shrink suggested i try to join some clubs, or take some fun classes at a college, and stuff to try to replace my old friends with new ones. i complain that i don’t know and don’t meet anyone new who understands at all what i like to do, and what i’m interested in, let alone being interested in the same things too. so he figures if i take a photog class or something i’ll meet other people who have the same interest. which is all fine and good except that i’m not a joiner, and even when i take classes i don’t meet people cuz i don’t talk to anyone. 4 years in college and the only friends i had there were the people i lived with over the 4 years. i don’t think he understands that i have a fundamental problem being too shy to talk to people, and that i’m anti social and don’t LIKE to talk to people. if i was able to talk to people and be friendly, i meet people all the time at work – i’d have tons of friends. but that plus the fact that i don’t have anything in common with most people my age creates a serious problem when trying to fill the empty holes people made and left in my life.

but i’m going to try. i probably will look into what CEPA is offering, and maybe take something at NCCC next semester. jeff ingersoll sent me a thing about the center for inquiry open house on saturday, so i might go to that. see what kind of other skeptics and athiest people i can meet. they do alot of interesting stuff (like haunted house investigations and paranormal stuff), so it’ll be neat. everyone there will probably be older than me too but oh well. i’ll probably sleep all day anyway and miss it. other than that though i don’t have a clue on what kind of things to look for and join. someone else suggested internet stuff, that they meet alot of people with the same interests on the net. and that’s true, i used to LIVE on irc because it was the only place i could find people who were mjfans too. but living in a chatroom is something i’m not too particularly interested in doing anymore, no matter how long i sit on my computer, and not very fulfilling since i still don’t have anyone to just like…go to dinner with or anything. there are tons of urbexers out there, and i’ve met some good people, but i’ve also met alot of ridiculously socially inept people from the boards too haha. this hobby doesn’t really appeal to the normal talkative outgoing type usually. and most of the buffalo explorers are retards so – not interested.

my shit schedule doesn’t really help much either.

i need to email jerry. i miss him.