My mom and I were moving in with my Aunt Trudy. They were opening a store selling jewelry they made, and we were going to live there. Turns out Aunt Trudy had a pet rattlesnake and she just let it roam wherever it wanted to, including in the store. My mom was like, you can’t have a rattlesnake wandering around, it might bite someone. Trudy is like, no, it has a rattle so you know where it is…we’re like nooo you can’t have poisonous snakes not in a tank. She’s like, it’s too big for a tank, it has to be able to stretch itself out. Meanwhile, it is always slithering up onto chairs, and curling all in on itself, never stretched out. It goes up on a chair with the cat, and curls itself all up on top of the cat, and I’m like OMG the cat, it could bite the cat, and Trudy is like no, they like to cuddle. Mom and I keep freaking out about the snake, and Trudy mentions that the snake prod doesn’t work…like an electrified piece of metal that if the snake gets too close, it shocks it, sorta like invisible fences for dogs, so they can’t use it in the store to keep the snake away from shoppers. I sit down in a chair, with my knees to my chest, and the snake immediately wakes up and comes right at me. I also have the cat now, and the snake slithers up onto my knees and makes itself comfortable. Now I’m totally freaking out, hugging the cat so it doesn’t get bit, and yelling through clenched teeth, and shaking though I’m worried my shaking will piss off the snake. Mom and Trudy are watching, and mom is like see, you can’t have the snake out. I’m full on hyperventilating, can’t breathe. Trudy is like, what’s the big deal, she’s not even snake phobic. Mom finally has enough and is like GET THE SNAKE WE’RE LEAVING, so Trudy picks the snake up off me, and I run out with the cat and mom and I get into the car to leave. I am having a full panic attack, gasping for breath, shaking. So we go…wherever…and it’s MTV and they’re having some show where bands come and play a song by another band…like NIN was there, and Nirvana who were going to play “How Soon Is Now”, and Bob Dylan…and there is a phone line viewers can call, and leave messages about what’s on the show. The phone rings and I answer it, Hello MTV News, and I can’t hear or really understand what the guy is saying, so I say Thanks and hang up, and when I do I feel a sharp pain in my arm. I lift it up and there is a snake hanging off my arm, fangs stuck in my skin. So I’m freaking out again, holding my arm up with the snake hanging off, and Bob Dylan whips out a big knife and cuts it in half. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"