over and done with for another year. home early today so i can go to work later. now i’m just waiting for the house to warm up so i can take a shower. i feel so dirty.

so a recap i guess. nothing extremely interesting or funny happened this year really…disappointing.

christmas eve headed to detroit…got there about 2:30. i seriously think the drive through canada from here to sarnia is one of the most boring drives ever. it is more boring than the drive to indiana. at least on the way to indiana there was some sort of change of seanery (sp i know) every now and then. even when you get to michigan, it’s the same canadian wasteland until you get closer to where my grandparents live. anyway…
carol and eric were already at the grandparents house when we got there, and almost immediately i left with them to go to walgreens, just like last year. ed and laurice came over for dinner. like i said, nothing all that interesting happened. at dinner grandpa said that when his kids get older he’s going to tell them all about his and grandma’s love life…so then when everyone expressed their disgust and asked for barf bags he was like “what, do you think you happened cuz i was looking at her?” yeah…sick. then later during the gift unwrapping fiasco that is christmas eve at their house, my uncle gave him one of those stress ball things. he said it would be good for him since he had the stroke years ago blah blah blah. grandpa says “i used to get this kind of exercise all the time when i was single.” *insert more puking here*….mom was in a snit cuz carol and ed both bought him some kind of alcohol…grandpa actually didn’t have a fit, he started to get into a mini fit when carol and eric were leaving cuz it had started snowing, and he was telling them how to drive. oh, and i heard the story about my grandma shitting her pants and the flies following her again, just like last year. the other poop stories were left out this time around…

christmas day…spent the morning with the grandparents before going to marianne and gary’s house for dinner. i think this is when my mom showed him all the pictures from wisconsin, california, and me and nate. so he’s looking at the pictures of me and nate and the conversation went something like this.
g-pa: so what’s his name?
mom: nate
g-pa: i had a buddy at work named nathan. *proceeded to keep calling nate, nathan. so i thought it would be harmless to correct him and tell him nate’s name actually was nathaniel*
me: his name is really nathaniel
g-pa: what is it?
me: nathaniel
g-pa: macdaniel? what is it?
me and mom yell: NA-THAN-IEL
g-pa: what? mcdaniels? mcdanthels? i have a hard enough time with seth (he says it “seff”) and now you expect me to learn mcdaniel? i’ll just call him dan.
me and mom yell: NA-THAN-IEL!!!
g-pa: i had a buddy at work named nathan. he was a colored but he was still a good guy.
*hand slaps forehead*
since none of the friends i have now have met my grandparents it’s really hard to grasp quite how…frustrating…it is sometimes to deal with them. but it makes for good stories at times…later grandpa decided to tell me the state of americans this day and age. and i might be offended by it, but we’re war mongerers… LOL. yeah cuz that offended me so much….anyway…
off to marianne and gary’s around 3:30, her sons and families came over. got to see my 2 little cousins (2nd cousins i guess)…they’re cute, for kids. lol. i can sorta see how it might be nice to have one or two once your married and settled down…but still…i don’t want to touch them. warren is 3 and a half, and brenna (stupid name) is 15 months i guess. so they were tolerable. spent the whole night in their furnished basement cuz that’s where the bar is. nothing really eventful happens with that family…we forgot to do the annual shot of jager…OOH i do have a story from that night though. so every year my aunt makes this gross german cake that i don’t know how to spell the name of…binenstitch or something. anyway…she was cutting it and my uncle comments something about how we don’t want to know the origin of the knife she was using. of course, i wanted to know, since he is an ex-cop. turns out the knife used to be evidence cuz it was used to stab someone like 50 times LOL. he brought it home to show her one day, and she liked it so much (cuz it was a good knife if it cut through human) and it hasn’t left the house since. i don’t know how long ago this happened, but i thought it was a good story. but i’m weird like that…

today…left grandparents real early, 9 am, to come home for work…so nothing happened. grandpa was still sleeping.

soo…this year was the year of pajamas…got another pair from grandma bringing the total up to 5, and a pair of pj pants from marianne…i guess the plan is to completely dump out my entire 2 drawers of pjs i have now, and just have these. at least winter pjs, i will keep my boxers and stuff that i wear in the summer…carol had this mirror specially made for me…some local artisan kind of deal. it’s nice…it’s a round mirror with these decorations on it and it says “fairest of them all”…it’s nice. but i don’t know what to do with it. i’m not hanging it in my room. when i have a place of my own it’ll be a nice decoration but until then??…it’ll stay in the box i guess. got some clothes from target…yes my grandma actually shopped at target this year (grandpa forbids it, he’s a k-mart man)…so it’s decent clothes that might have to be taken back cuz they won’t fit, not because they’re hideous. umm…that’s basically it. christmas has scaled down since i was a kid. we used to pack the car to go home full of all the toys i got, and i would have to sit on packages. not so much anymore LOL. that is all on my cousins now. the 2 kids got so many gifts…i never got that many gifts when i was a kid.

overall it wasn’t that bad…wasn’t exactly fun and exciting either. the whole being upset about nate thing was under control most of the time. no one really knew much about it except carol, since i cried on the phone the day nate left when she called. so she said something about she was so happy for me about the casino job, but sad for me about nate. yeah almost cried there…i got a few of the “if it was meant to be…” comments…esp from marianne, which led into the whole aunt trudy/uncle kirk spiel and their 5 year long distance relationship…and mom feels the need to tell everyone that i’m really bummed about nate being gone. as if that wasn’t a logical conclusion. i didn’t get asked anything that i didn’t want to talk about tho, so that was good. i got asked about the job alot. and both my parents felt the need to tell everyone i’m going to get a job with immigration…but whatever.

hmm…what else…that’s about it i think. i can shower now, and call adr about tonight, and rest til work. got a massive headache once again. i think i might try to go to a new neurologist soon.

1. What is your lineage? Where are your ancestors from? dad’s side: germany, yugoslavia. mom’s side: poland, italy
2. Of those countries, which would you most like to visit? germany. big time.
3. Which would you least like to visit? Why? yugoslavia… it sorta doesn’t exist anymore lol. my grandma was still german, just born in yugoslavia or something. so it doesn’t count.
4. Do you do anything during the year to celebrate or recognize your heritage? not really. my dad’s sister makes this gross german cake for christmas every year…and i don’t eat it. and then we were going to do the annual christmas shot of jager in honor of their father (my grandfather) who died within the last few years (i forget when)…but i think we skipped last christmas…
5. Who were the first ancestors to move to your present country (parents, grandparents, etc)? my dad. he’s an immigrant. he was born in germany, near the border of east and west germany. his family came over here when he was 4. my grandpa had been over before WWII but went back to germany during the depression, and was drafted into Hitler’s army…i just found out yesterday that my aunt had been in an orphanege. my grandma was trying to escape from yugoslavia with my aunt, who was 2, and she was pregnant with my other aunt. apparently, my grandma had to go into the hospital along the way, and gave my aunt to some family member to take care of. while she was in the hospital the russians came and took over half the town – and just like a movie, my grandma was on the non occupied side of town. so when she had my aunt, and got out of the hospital she would go ask the russians to let her get her other child and they kept saying no. finally they said yes, so my grandma ran up some big hill with the stroller to the family’s house. they told her they didn’t think she was coming back, so they gave my aunt to an orphanege. so then my grandma had to find the orphanege. when she did, my aunt didn’t remember who she was and didn’t want to go with her – but my grandma made her haha. interesting eh?

anyway. i feel kinda blah today. it’s too hot. i slept but not very good. i talked to joe last night after i got back from danielle’s. haven’t talked to him in forever so that was cool. he has a photo for me of a guitar in the toronto skydome hard rock cafe signed by trent AND bowie hehe.

i work til close tonight. and i have this large feeling i’m going to be the one to actually have to stay until 1am. the girl in charge tonight is coming in 3 hours early for her shift, so she should be the first to leave. then of me and new kid, they’ll probably make me stay to close. i’m kinda torn about whether i want to stay til close or not…i might want to go to the bar again after work…if they let me leave early i’m not about to drive back to the falls to go to the bar. but i hate staying til 1, and that means walking by myself at night in the falls….ug. stupid later closing shifts on weekends. maybe i can argue that the new kid needs another day training on close and i can make him stay with me lol.

i hate my self imposed rules to not mention names of people i’m not good friends with on my blog anymore. you know how confusing it is. i’m sure you do, if you read this at all lol. i should make up code names or something.

the weather report is funny. high 83, currently 86. cold front moving in. yeah. feels so cold. and tomorrow is supposed to be 83 too. yeah. cold front.

alright, time for the good stuff i suppose.

i realized that i live to blog. the entire 3 days i was away i kept thinking, i need to blog this, i need to blog that. how sad. eric didn’t bring his laptop or i would have. ah well, i’m home now. time for the great christmas in michigan story. sadly, being the first xmas i can blog, it was a rather uneventful one as far as michigan goes…but we’ll see what stuff i can dig up to talk about.

so we left for michigan around 11 on sunday morning. takes about 5 hours to get to warren, so i guess we got there around 3, whatever. we anticipated problems at the borders due to all that’s happened, but there was no problems at all. going back into the states in port huron they asked for birth certificates and/or passport and license. well my dad has no birth certificate (yeah cuz he was never born), so i had to dig in the back to find his passport, which i never did. and my passport is expired but they didn’t seem to care and let us go.

when we got to my grandparents house aunt carol and eric were there. as soon as i walked in the door i left with them to the drug store. lol. so my grandpa had an absess tooth. he’d had it for over a week and didn’t go to the doctor or anything, his entire half a face was swollen and he was in pain. and his heart is basically completely dead, so he could have died if the infection went to his heart. but whatever, my mom found out before we left to detroit and freaked out, and made her brother call people to get him antibiotics. i guess they finally contacted some doctor cousin who wrote him a prescription. but you might think that an absess tooth and swollen half a face would stop him from talking? wrong. he talked more than ever, if that is even possible.

well that night, carol and eric left at like 8, leaving me to suffer for the rest of the night. and i’m not a lil kid anymore, i can’t go to bed at 9. i have to wait til at least 11. lol. well i ended up having a really big headache that felt like someone was throwing a javelin through my brain, so i kinda got off with not being forced to converse as much as usual. well i went to bed, and again, like last year, i slept in my coat. my room was FRIGID. i swear, it was like 40 degrees in there. i didn’t want to put my coat on cuz it’s wool and the neck is pinchy. so i “slept” most of the night in my pjs and the shitty blanket on the bed. well i got up to use the bathroom at 7, and as soon as i opened my door it was like a 40 degree temp difference. so i grabbed my pillows and went to sleep on the couch. well my grandma was awake, and wouldn’t let me sleep on the couch?!?! she made me go back in my room and gave me another afghan…yeah that helped :P. that’s when i put the coat on, and actually got to sleep for 5 hours or so.

so xmas eve….most of the day i escaped to the other room and read. carol and eric came by in the afternoon, and we had dinner. uncle ed showed up later. we did the gift thing. since eric is one of the VP’s of Lands End we all got stuff from them. they got me this really nice coat. but anyway. they all left later and i went to bed. my dad opened the heating duct this time for me (you have to do it in the basement, it’s not normal) so i slept. yay. it wasn’t completely warm, but it was warm enough i didn’t need my coat that night LOL.
christmas day, packed up and went to aunt mariannes for brunch. we had to leave early (4:30) to drive back home, so we didn’t do the normal dinner, stay all night thing there. did the gift thing with them. my cousins, who came around 3 like normal for dinner, didn’t get me anything for xmas this year. not like i really care, but they usually do. and they are usually my source of media play gift certificates, or cds that i actually asked for. no luck this year, whatever. so we left there around 4:30 to head back, since we heard about all the snow back home, and didn’t want to get stuck driving for 12 hours in blizzards (which we’ve had to do before)…
but anyway, like i said, there was nothing highly exciting this weekend. but i wrote down a few gems.

1. the box pictures. so as i said, eric is a VP of lands end…so he shipped all the gifts to my grandparents house in lands end boxes…well my grandpa…he’s obsessive compulsive about taking pictures. and he’s all crippled now so he can’t really do it that great himself anymore. so he makes my dad do it. so my grandpa is sitting in his chair in the kitchen/family room shouting orders to my dad in the living room about what kind of picture to take. he wanted a picture of carol and eric each holding a land’s end box. so i’m sitting on the couch in the living room, and the 3 of them (dad, carol, eric) are laughing at the situation. well 1 of the boxes had already been broken down, and eric is trying to tell my grandpa that. so grandpa starts yelling to fold it into box shape, and eric is folding it wrong so then grandpa is yelling at eric to fold it into a goddamn box shape. well eric just ignored him, and used the box that was still intact. so my aunt and eric are holding the box inbetween them, and grandpa is yelling from the other room to my dad to make sure there’s a nice background, etc. lol. i’m sitting on the couch laughing still. so my dad takes the picture of them holding the box LOL. but then, that’s not all. grandpa starts yelling his orders for carol to sit on the box, and cross her legs and look sexy. LOL. so we’re all laughing, and carol is like “i can’t sit on the box, it’ll collapse” (since it’s empty) and he’s shouting “sit on the goddamn box, and cross your legs”. so she sits on the box and falls in and my dad takes the picture. it’ll be great!

2. some of these don’t seem so odd/funny unless you know my grandpa. but he never shuts up, he’s really ignorant and rude. anyway. so we’re sitting around the table after dinner or something, and in the middle of someone else’s conversation he starts yelling (cuz he can’t just talk) at carol about how he can still see her riding up and down the street on her banana seat bike, wearing her halter top… and he said “you didn’t have any titties but you had your halter on” LOL (yes i wrote down the quote). that was really mild compared to what he was talking about last christmas. he got on this big kick about talking about sex, and tits and stuff….it was revolting.

3. normally i hear the same stories everytime we visit…but it’s always the same stories from my grandma, and the same stories from my grandpa…but they are different stories from each other. but not this year. this year, i was in the living room with my mom and grandma and she started in on her same 2 stories. my mom was little, and was playing outside. she started knocking on the door to be let inside, and my grandma says *singing* “who’s that knocking on my door?”…and my mom replies “i’m is.” followed by cackling laughter from my grandma. i’m sorry but the 200th time hearing that story it isn’t really funny anymore, if it ever was. and then she followed that story up with the one about my mom playing in the sandbox outside, and running inside and the flys were following her – cuz she shit her pants. well an hour later we’re in the kitchen/family room and my grandpa starts telling a story, and it’s the freaking “i’m is” story…but he explained it… “she was combining the i am into a contraction, and then saying is”…yeah, i know. and then, oddly enough, he followed it up with the mom shitting her pants in the sandbox story. i was shocked, cuz usually, they don’t repeat each other’s stories. of course my grandpa continued on with his own shitting his pants story, when he was little and playing in the alley. he felt it coming on, and ran to his house but was too late, and went in his pants before he got inside, and then since he had shorts on he shook it out of his pants onto the porch and went back to the alley to play. and he followed that one up with the time my grandma shit in HER pants in 2nd grade and the nuns made her go home. yes, this is information i guess i needed to know.

4. we were eating christmas dinner, and eating doesn’t even stop my grandpa from talking, although he will insist he never talks when eating. well carol is sitting next to him and he’s spraying food out of his mouth onto her LOL. so carol says “don’t talk while you’re eating, i just saw the whole meal in your mouth.” LOL. grandpa replies “i never eat with my mouth open” (while food is falling out)

5. well we had perogies (sp?) at dinner, and i guess they were good. i dunno, i don’t eat them. someone asked my grandma where she got them.
grandma: the italian market
grandpa: that’s not where you got them.
grandma: yes it is….
grandpa: goddamn it you didn’t get these at the italian market, emily gave them to us. tell the goddamn story right.
grandma: i WAS…half of them we got from the italian market…
grandpa: tell them the real story, emily brought them over to us.
grandma: half of them are from emily and half are from the italian market.
grandpa: she never tells a goddamn story right. tell the goddamn story the right way….
grandma: i am telling it right, it happened to ME not you
grandpa: that’s not how it happened goddamn it….*tells the story*

yeah….so basically that’s all i can remember about the weekend. oh yeah, then today before we were leaving he made my dad take the garbage out, and my mom was asking him what to do with the newspapers, to put them to the curb or not and he basically had a fit about no you’re not supposed to put the goddamn newspapers out to the curb, leave them in the garage and bring me the bag, and my mom yelled at him that she was just asking, he didnt need to have a fit, and he continued to have his fit….

well anyway…i guess i’m done. my hands are cold, it’s freezing in here too. we did get a bunch of snow but it was highly exaggerated. weather channel said we got 18 inches in NT…we probably have 8. it’s mostly plowed, my car has alot of snow on it actually, no one brushed it off. but whatever.

oh yeah, a weird thing…ok well I think it’s odd….we were crossing the border back into the US in Lewiston, and “bullet the blue sky” had just come on…lol that was the first odd thing…and then the customs guy shines a flashlight in my face…LOL weird thing #2… and only a u2 fan would really understand why that was odd. but yeah. you thought this post was going to be devoid of u2. and we have to pass through hamilton to and from michigan, and i was thinking…god, the best night of my life occured here…in HAMILTON of all places…and in honor of passing through hamilton, i listened to all that you can’t leave behind

i am a frequent reader of this guys blog. it’s called life in prozac park. he’s a gay man who was outed by his exboyfriend to his mother, and is now suffering intolerably by being forced to live with his mother until he gets on his feet again (due to other things, he was pretty much homeless for a while). This guy is fascinating to me. haha i don’t know why. but anyway, he had this quote “Nothing makes the holidays more tolerable then alcohol.” and boy is that true!!! my first holiday being 21, christmas at my dad’s sisters house on christmas day will be nice. they’re alcoholics, and they will give me drinks. they made me a white russian when we visited this summer that was the strongest drink i’ve ever had. i was very nicely buzzed, but was still able to hide it well….i also hadn’t had a drink in months, so that added to it LOL. but the problem is, christmas at their house is actually tolerable, sometimes even fun. i can say that i occasionally enjoy the day spent at their house. however this may all change since my cousin had another baby, so now there are 2 young kids to deal with. i dealt with the first one last year nicely. no one gave me the baby to hold, THANK GOD, and so i’m figuring no one will offer me the new one either. but i think the 1st one, warren, is about 2 or something now, which means hyper and talking and irritating…so i’ll need those white russians.

but then there is christmas with my mom’s family, at my grandparents house where we stay while we visit. that is where i need the alcohol. they have 2 nice little sample bottles of absolute above their TV and every time i go, i think about stealing them and drinking them and replacing them with water so they’ll never know i drank them. i would probably have alot of fun at their house if i could pass the time in a drunken haze. maybe this year will be different since i am 21 now, and my grandpa has apparently turned into an alcoholic now. he was an alcoholic, and then he quit long ago i guess, but recently he’s been drinking every night or something. i dunno, but i guess my mom is concerned. i don’t see why…he’s like..75 or something, he’s had a stroke and like 25 heart attacks (no lie)…he only uses 20% of his heart because it’s so damaged. he never knew he had any of the heart attacks until the last one that was bad, and he went to the hospital for. so he’s going to die soon, why not let him get drunk….i mean, she lived with him when he was an alcoholic, so she’d know what he’s like drunk…i guess he’s an asshole (lol he’s an asshole anyway lol)….but still HES OLD!! let him do what he wants. ANYWAY the point of this was, that since he’s drinking again, maybe he’ll offer some to me. That won’t go over good though, this will be what happens:
grandpa: sara, want some whiskey?
me: yes that’d be great.
mom: no.
grandpa: come on, sar-car-laura. she can have some, she’s 21 now
me: yah i can deal
mom: no, she doesn’t need to be drinking.
me: yeah, let me have some.
dad: *looks on without saying anything*
me: whatever *sulks*
grandma: *hands me some coffee with a bunch of alcohol in it* (lol ok that wouldn’t happen)
continued argument between grandpa and mother about me drinking, and then me getting a lecture from grandpa about how its ok to drink as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. and then later my mom yelling at me for even thinking about having a drink at their house…grandpa flying off the handle and creating a big scene, with other family members jumping in until no one is speaking for the rest of the night. and maybe insert me and someone like Carol fleeing from the house, to a restaurant or something, and me being able to drink anyway




i haven’t been out of the house in 2 days. so i didn’t know what to expect in regards to the weather today. i decide to go turn in my journal, and figuring it’s cold out since it has been lately, i put on my heavy coat. i walk outside and it’s warm! so i go turn in my journal, and walk out of the building, and of course, it’s raining now! so here i am, it’s warm out, i have my winter coat on, and it’s raining. so now i’m sweating to death cuz its humid and i was all hot in my coat…blah.

yet another person is amazed by my xmas card:
amanda: LOL…your Christmas card is AWESOME!
sara: LOL
sara: YAY you liked it!!!
amanda: did you send the same one to everyone?
sara: yes
sara: only 3 ppl will fully appreciate it
sara: and i’m glad u did lol
amanda: its great
sara: lol
amanda: I was going “I GOT THE CARD!! I GOT THE CARD!!” when I went to my mialbox
amanda: and my friends were like “lemme see”
sara: LOL
amanda: and they all went “ummm…ok”
sara: LOL
amanda: then I went “You dont understand! this is the greatest card ever!” and they went “riiight”
sara: HAHA

ok back from another lovely trip to see the grandparents and family. all my family is in michigan, and since we don’t go for easter anymore we have to go in the summer. and this time we had to go to show my grandparents my car, since they bought half of it.

the trip was the same as always. my grandparents are getting worse, they’re old and sick sorta. not mentally old but physically. whatever. my grandpa never shuts up, grandma tells me the same 3 stories. same as always. it’s always right before we leave, we’re sitting there because we can’t do anything else, and she’ll tell me these stories.
1. we were visiting when i was a baby, mom had me in a bouncing chair thing, and i bounced right out of it and landed on my head….spectacular. mom said it never happened, that it must have been someone else’s kid who was visiting.
2. how i was left with them as a baby and cried for my mom the whole time, so my grandma walked me back and forth around the living room, but made sure i couldn’t see her face cuz if i did i’d see how ugly it was and see that it wasn’t my mom and cry even more.
3. she sings me the songs she made up about me when i was a baby. i love sara yes i do if you knew her you would too….etc.

this time she told me stories about her wedding dress, and how she should have stayed a “career girl” (she says this every time, the dress thing was new tho) except i couldn’t hear her because my grandpa was going on and on about his big band music and how it’s real music, and music now u can’t even understand what they’re saying. then he asks me if i can understand what they’re saying in the music i listen to, and i proudly say yes, because I do. he does this every time. they are tape recorders. they died years ago, and now its just a shell of skin and bone with a tape recorder inside. it must be. they didn’t bring out the old pictures this time tho, good thing, because we’ve seen them every visit for the past 5 years.

i did however, get a wicked shirt from walmart when my mom and i escaped for a few minutes. it says “i love rockstars” on it in rhinestones lol. it’s so me. also had the strongest mixed drink in my life at my aunt’s house. they are somewhat alcoholics, they made me a white russian. it must have had 2 shots each of vodka and kaluha and a drop of milk. i was drunker than i’ve been since thanksgiving (not drunk, but buzzed, u know…) and off of 1 drink. it was insane. also managed to actually listen to some of my cds on the car radio on the way home. dad didnt change them. first was APC, then the tea party, then inxs, which he actually turned up, he liked the sax, and then u2.

so home now. was waiting on word from heather about if i was gonna be driving up to toronto on tuesday. she was gonna try to get us passes for the much music stone temple pilots concert thing tues night. had to wait in line at much music to get passes. etc etc she followed the rules, 1 pass per person, then saw people had more than 1 so she could have gotten one for me afterall, but then they gave her a hard time when she wanted one for me. so as of now i dont have a pass. she’s trying to get the city tv phone # to call and bitch and get another pass, but we’ll see. if not, no big deal, if so, cool, i’ll have to drive up there and get to see STP again….