January/February Books

1. Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen
2. Dust – Hugh Howie
3. Mischling – Affinity Konar
4. Ghetto Girls – Anthony J Whyte
5. Shit My Dad Says – entertaining book by the guy who created the Shit My Dad Says twitter.
6. Night by Elie Wiesel – I’ve read it before, high school or college I can’t remember, but I thought I needed to read it again as a reminder.
7. Floodmarkers by Nic Brown – a novel about a single town during Hurricane Hugo. Not quite what I expected from the description, it was supposed to be a book about the people of the town and how they all are connected. Which I guess it was, but it wasn’t a full story – each chapter being about a single character, with only a few getting more than one chapter to flesh out their story. They don’t overlap the way I was expecting, with just passing mentions of some of the others. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t what I wanted. At least it was short.
8. A Career of Evil by Robert Galbraith (JK Rowling) – I’ve never described myself as a mystery reader, but I guess I do like them, and I quite enjoy JK’s detective series.

Books: Dust

A few years ago the short story/novella “Wool” by Hugh Howey was recommended to me. It was post apocalyptic, which I love, and available as an ebook (self published I think) on amazon. I loooooved it. I recommended it to everyone (with varying results). I thought the twist was fantastic, and its popularity lead to Howey writing 4 follow up stories, later published together as the Wool Omnibus. It continued the story, and added to the mystery, but nothing was as thrilling as just reading that first part on it’s own.

He then added a prequel, “Shift”, 3 more novellas combined into an omnibus, followed by “Dust”, an epilogue. I just finally got around to reading them.

“Shift” explains the world that created the silos and “Dust” continues the story at the end of “Wool”. They were both worth reading, but still not as mind blowing as “Wool 1”.

People may be tempted to read them in the chronological order of the story, but I don’t think that’s the intent. Starting with “Shift” would be really confusing, as I think it assumes you know about the world of “Wool” already, especially as you get past the “First Shift” portion. And it gives away some of the twists and surprises of “Wool” which made it so good.

It had been years since I read “Wool”, I sort of feel like I should have read it again first, as I forgot a lot of the details beyond the main plot, which would have helped. Part of me is still confused about the reasoning behind The Legacy and The Pact. Perhaps more will be coming. It’s a good series though, and I recommend it for anyone who likes apocalyptic fiction.

Top Ten Teen-years Albums

This was floating around facebook the last few days.

List 10 albums that made a lasting impression on you as a TEENAGER, but only one per band/artist. In approximate chronological order of when I found them.

1. Aerosmith – Get a Grip (1993) – I wasn’t sure this fell into my teen years, until I looked up the release date, and saw that it had to. This is the first CD I remember wanting to buy on my own. My clique of friends all had it, and we were scandalized that there were nipple prints on the CD.
2. Salt n Pepa – Very Necessary (1993) – I loved this record, I listened to it a ton with headphones when I got my first portable CD player, in my room, doing my homework, even though I had a perfectly working stereo. Thinking of this record got “None Of Your Business” in my head last night. Awesome.
3. Stone Temple Pilots – Purple (1994) – While I still don’t really think of them as “grunge”, I guess this is the first grunge cd I loved and listened to all the time (I owned Pearl Jam’s “Ten” but never listened to it).
4. REM – Monster (1994) – I listened to this, and the STP record, all the time when I was playing my Super Nintendo. In retrospect I’m not really sure why I liked this record, but at the time it was great.
5. The Cranberries – No Need To Argue (1994) – Zombie still is a fantastic song. The rest is a bit mellow, but it holds up.
6. Elastica – Elastica (1995) – I heard the song “Connection” while hanging out in Media Play and bought the CD. I remember writing song lyrics on the desk in study hall, only to see that someone had written the next line after. Turns out that someone was Marney.
7. Michael Jackson – HIStory (1995) – 2 records have changed my life. This was the first. It led me to travel, spend a lot of money, and most importantly, led me to meet some of the best friends who I still have to this day. Awww.
8. U2 – Achtung Baby (1991) – Not discovered until I was at Geneseo, and not appreciated upon first listens, when I listened to it months later, it’s brilliance blinded me. So amazing.
9. Nine Inch Nails – The Fragile (1999) – The 2nd life changing record. Even if it took 6 years for it to make a huge impact as far as leading me to travel and meet great people, this was an emotionally impactful record. I really don’t know what my life would be like if I had never fallen down the NIN-hole.
10. Orgy – Candyass (1998) – Orgy was the first band I met, and was the band responsible for getting me into seeing concerts, and following tours, and trying to meet bands and get autographs. They were fun, and super cute, yay boys in makeup.

Books! “Born to Run”

It’s a new year, and a year since I redid this page. I don’t think I came anywhere near posting as much as I wanted to, or about the things I wanted to. But since no one reads it, I suppose it doesn’t matter. But I have a resolution! I’m going to post about every book I read this year. So let’s start now.

“Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen

I like memoirs, or auto-bios, non-fiction travel stories, etc, so when this book showed up on Overdrive as available from my library I “borrowed” the ebook. I appreciate Bruce Springsteen’s talent, and I enjoyed seeing him live several years ago with LeighAnne, but I really know nothing about him other than he came from Freehold NJ. The book isn’t a play by play of every year of his life, with every little detail like a bio by someone else may be, but he tells his story very well. It’s his life story, covering the important moments that created him and his career, and it is sooooo very well written. I know a lot of auto-bios are ghost written, but given how good he is at songwriting I assumed he actually wrote it himself, and it does appear to be so. There were some parts, some lines, that were like poetry. A ghost writer, no matter how good, I don’t think would have been able to tell Bruce’s story this way. It was interesting to hear about his struggles with depression, and how he works through it all. It was a memoir worth reading.

That was fun

I started reading Oliver Sachs’ book, Migraine. He wrote it in the 60s I believe, with an update in the 90s, so I’m not sure how outdated it might be, but…it mentions all the different types of aura’s people may have, and I realize I’m quite lucky with mine being rather rare, and fairly normal and unobtrusive in comparison. But as if reading it put thoughts in my head, I had a sort of new type of aura while I slept last night. I was woken up at 8:30 by the fact that my entire face and lips were numb/tingling as if they had fallen asleep. I’ve had those types of feelings before, but not my entire face, and not while I slept. So I got up and took some frova and tried to sleep again but I felt like that sensation lasted much longer than any other numbness sensation I’ve had before. It worried me, but nothing else seemed impaired, as if I had a stroke. While I slept for a few more hours I did have pain in the right half of my head, but upon getting out of bed I was mostly fine. I drank coffee in hope of it helping, but after that I felt super dizzy and shaky, and I don’t know if it was the caffeine or the migraine, or what. I feel very not well.

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I absolutely cannot stand the thought that we’re going to have to hear from the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES in one line posts on Twitter for the foreseeable future. I can’t stand that that is how he chooses to communicate. I can’t stand it I can’t stand it I can’t stand it.

Sometimes I start to feel like we have all over reacted, and things won’t be so bad, but then I am quickly reminded about all the horrible things happening…and I don’t meet racism/discrimination being “acceptable” now…I mean the people he is appointing to important positions, and why he’s appointing them – business favors. The thought that he could approve laws and get rid of laws that will benefit himself, his businesses, his business friends…I am constantly disgusted.

This is not America 2

It’s been a few days now since Donald Fucking Trump got elected President. A few days to think, a few days closer to him not being President, if you try to be optimistic.

I’m very happy I had 2 days off before having to be around the public, and around potentially gloating Trump supporters. It felt like someone had died. I never expected any election to cause such emotion. We saw Katheryn on Thursday, and she said, what she’ll remember most is walking into the bar and seeing me opening crying in public, and she thought AMERICA LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE, YOU’VE MADE SARA CRY! haha it’s funny, but yeah.

Government gets very little done, when it doesn’t want to. So while republicans control every part, the dems can refuse to work just like the repubs did with Obama. And Trump is not as conservative as people think, plus there still has to be some intelligent and cool headed repubs that don’t support him, perhaps things won’t get out of hand. (Trying to be optimistic here!) But what I’m more scared of is the legitimacy his election gives to the types of things he’s said, how he treats minorities and women…it’s already coming out – anti Semitic graffiti, verbal abuse of Muslims and Hispanics, including children. It’s gross. Teaching children that sexually abusing women is ok…teaching them it’s ok to bully and taunt other children that happen to not be white. Bringing out the very worst thoughts and feelings, and making it seem ok to do so.

Honestly, I don’t think he’ll make a full term, and not because someone is going to assassinate him. I think once he takes office and fully realizes what he has bitten off, he’ll pull a Palin and just resign. Or, he’ll be convicted on one of his upcoming trials, and he’ll quit before Congress can “fire” him, that way he saves face. But then we’ll be left with Mike Pence, who is truly awful and more frightening. Pence is his assassination insurance.

Ugh. It still makes me sad, and it can still bring up tears, but it’s getting better. The mourning, and stages of grief are coming to an end. Life goes on. We do what we can to make things better in the face of all this shit.

This is not America

It happened. Donald Trump is the President elect. Donald Fucking Trump. That orange reality show ass clown.

I was never confident in how this was going to play out. For months I had said he was going to win because the majority of our population is uneducated and you can’t underestimate them. Yes, it is looking like Hillary won the popular vote (like Gore), so you can’t blame the uneducated, but yes I still can. After Brexit passed in the UK, I knew, Trump was going to win.

I honestly thought the “grab them by the pussy” tape was a game changer, that it really did push undecided voters over the edge to Hillary, but apparently it did not. I saw some stat that 51% of white women voted for him. How? How does that even happen? How can you hate yourself that much to allow that kind of behavior towards women?

I don’t even have the words. We spent the evening at Founding Fathers, which was packed, and the atmosphere was great. People were counting down each poll closing, cheering for NY being called for Hillary…and then it just burst. The bottom fell out, there were tears (myself included), we left around 1, before any concession speech, while there was still a shred of hope. I went to bed knowing, but not knowing for sure, that it was over. I finished my evening, literally, in the fetal position on my bed, sobbing.

It’s not about Hillary. It’s not that I was her biggest fan, and can’t stand to see her lose, and not be the first woman president. It’s all about Trump. I’m terrified. I’m scared for my minority – in whatever way – friends. My gay, trans, non white friends. As a whole, I’ll be fine. Economy not withstanding, my life won’t change much. I’m a privileged white person, with a full time job, with health insurance (as crap as it might be). So many people I know that rely on government programs are in trouble. Women as a whole, are in trouble. We are just all in trouble. I’m scared of what his cabinet will be, who his advisers will be, who he’ll appoint to the Supreme Court, and everything they’ll be able to change because it’s all Republican run.

I don’t know this country. I honestly just cannot wrap my mind around anyone’s belief in this man’s ability to run the most powerful country on Earth.

being a woman

The first Presidential debate was last night. I haven’t watched it. I’ve seen a few memes, and tweets, and I’m watching the daily show, but I can’t really comment on it. I have seen that Trump interrupted Hilary 54 times (or something similar). And I’ve seen references to the “woman listening” face that we all have perfected by age 18. Misogynistic stuff. And it made me think about work again. I got my 90 day evaluation a few weeks ago, which was basically glowing. That I caught on very fast and am doing an excellent job. You know, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING AND AM SUPER QUALIFIED. The people who matter already knew that, which is why I got the job. One of the things I have noticed though….if I’m standing with a male pit manager, and someone has a question, or is coming into the pit for whatever reason, they always talk to the man, and ask the man the question, even though I’m the one in charge in that pit. Even though I’m the one providing the answers, they will still keep asking the man. It’s starting to get annoying. One of these times I’m going to point it out.

mid life crisis

Seriously. I feel so unhappy with everything. I hate it. I’m gonna go to the dr to get meds again. I hate where I am in life, I hate that I haven’t traveled overseas in forever. I hate that I don’t do anything meaningful. I hate that I can’t enjoy anything that J likes, even if it’s something I like too. Just lots of hate.

I saw this quote from Hillary Clinton on Humans of NY, and it’s everything.

“I was taking a law school admissions test in a big classroom at Harvard. My friend and I were some of the only women in the room. I was feeling nervous. I was a senior in college. I wasn’t sure how well I’d do. And while we’re waiting for the exam to start, a group of men began to yell things like: ‘You don’t need to be here.’ And ‘There’s plenty else you can do.’ It turned into a real ‘pile on.’ One of them even said: ‘If you take my spot, I’ll get drafted, and I’ll go to Vietnam, and I’ll die.’ And they weren’t kidding around. It was intense. It got very personal. But I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t afford to get distracted because I didn’t want to mess up the test. So I just kept looking down, hoping that the proctor would walk in the room. I know that I can be perceived as aloof or cold or unemotional. But I had to learn as a young woman to control my emotions. And that’s a hard path to walk. Because you need to protect yourself, you need to keep steady, but at the same time you don’t want to seem ‘walled off.’ And sometimes I think I come across more in the ‘walled off’ arena. And if I create that perception, then I take responsibility. I don’t view myself as cold or unemotional. And neither do my friends. And neither does my family. But if that sometimes is the perception I create, then I can’t blame people for thinking that.”