i really wish i was a normal healthy human. so treatment for my head continues. the nerve block failed, which turns out to be a good thing because my high deductible insurance plan means that it cost $300, a bill which i did not receive until after i would have received the 2nd shot, and thus a 2nd $300 bill. so thank god for small favors. dr put me on topamax, another anti epilepsy drug to try. i’m now on the full dose of 4 pills, with little response. the goal is less than 9 headache days a month. i am still at less than 9 headache free days a month. topamax came with a list of side effects including nice ones like less sweating and weight loss, and not nice ones like depression, tingling of the hands feet and face, exhaustion. so of course i get the not nice ones, and none of the nice ones. so when it does seem to work, and i have a headache free day, i still don’t feel good. i’m tired as hell, i am depressed, don’t want to do anything and don’t want to leave the house. if not for having to go to dice class and work, i wouldn’t leave the house, for real. so awesome. i go for a follow up in a few weeks. given that my insurance won’t cover pretty much anything, botox treatment is going to be unaffordable and thus out of the question. that leaves my only treatment options as further playing with medication. the dr mentioned adding in small doses of elavil again, which i was sort of against because stopping the elavil last time was hell, but she says the combination of elavil and topamax can really help. plus elavil being an antidepressant, maybe it would counteract being depressed from the topamax. who knows, but…i don’t know what is worse…at least when i have a headache and am not depressed i can force myself out of the house to do things. feeling headache free but without the motivation to do anything kinda sucks.

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